Teary Day

I just got off the phone with my Gram. She found out this morning that she has an advanced form of cancer, based in a tumor in her neck. This afternoon she went on with life and went to the DMV to renew her driver’s license that was about to expire. When I called, I asked her how the driving test went.

“It went well! I wore my green wig [for St. Patrick’s Day – Gram is Irish] and the guy who was going to give me my driving test was looking at me waiting in my car and kept whispering to the other employees. When he got in the car, I took off the wig and he breathed a sigh of relief. Then he had to get back out of the car to tell the guys that it was just a wig, because they were worried I wouldn’t be able to get my picture taken for the license with green hair.”

Gotta leave it to my nearly 85-year-old Gram to wear a green wig on St. Patrick’s Day :)

I asked her how she was feeling about everything else, and she responded, “It was a bad day, but everyone’s entitled to a bad day every once in a while.”

Oh Gram. I’m not envious of what you have ahead of you. The surgeon will remove the mass on her neck, the sub mandibular gland and possibly part of her jaw. Then she’ll have radiation and who knows what else.

I had a busy morning, hosting playgroup at my house that lasted later than it usually does, which was great. It was nice to have the distractions of friends around and the first part of the day passed pretty fast. Our weather today was beautiful and we spent so much time outside.

But by about 4 p.m., the heavy reality of what is to come with Gram hit me pretty hard. I got lots of sweet, concerned looks and comments from Eli. He kept coming up to me and touching my face, saying “I see a little tear” in his soft voice and wiping it away. Charlie offered lots of big kisses with lots of snuggles. Little kids are very in tune with our feelings, happy or sad.

My Gram is tough. And strong. And one of the most amazing examples to me of someone who lives life with passion, loves others and is a friend to many. She has lived near me almost my entire life, and during many of my younger years, she shared a 2-flat with my family and lived above us. Gram took me on all kinds of trips as I grew up – to Tennessee, Alaska, London, and Prague. We’ve have lots of good memories. And I’m always her personal travel agent when she wants to go visit a friend or relative, finding her good deals and booking her flights. My boys love their Great Gram and Eli has been singing her songs every day since she came over for a visit last week.

Now that I’ve had a good cry and my head feels like it’s going to explode, I am going to focus on doing what I can to help Gram stay positive and feel hopeful for the future. Especially since she turns 85 next Tuesday. We’ll make it a good birthday, despite everything she is about to face.

Love you Gram.