Parenting Skills

I had some good friends from high school over this morning for breakfast. I get together with a few of the girls who still live in the Chicago area a few times each year, and I was excited to see them all again as it had been a while. None of them had been to my house yet either, so I was scrambling late last night and early this morning to try to de-clutter and clean things up before everyone arrived.

We had a great time and had fun catching up over cinnamon rolls, fruit, and juice.

But after all of that, I realized two things about myself today.

1. I don’t parent as well under stress.

Eli did not wake up in the best mood, so he had a frown for the majority of the time everyone was here. He yelled at my friend’s 1-year-old (very similar to how he barks at Charlie) and it wasn’t just one time. It was any time the poor little boy came near him or his stuff.

Ugh. Two-year-olds!

My reactions to Eli behaving badly weren’t the best. Which frustrates me because I’ve recently read two parenting books that I really enjoyed and think they will help me be a good parent and understand my kids better. They are 1) Between Parent and Child and 2) Siblings Without Rivalry. I especially liked the Siblings Without Rivalry book because I was struggling with how to deal with the regular, often difficult, emotional interactions between my boys. While I think the suggestions and principles explained in that book will apply more in a few years when Charlie understands more, it still helped me get an insight of how to talk to your kids so they can have happy sibling relations. Even small stuff like not labeling your kids, like “He’s the musical one” or “She’s the smart one” or whatever can make a difference in how they feel about each other and themselves.

BUT – it’s one thing to read good strategies in a book, and another to react how you’d like to in a situation like this morning. Looking back, I wasn’t being very understanding with Eli, who felt like his space was encroached on and everything felt unpredictable to him since we were with people he doesn’t know very well. I too quick to chastize, yet I just wanted him to be his sweet self.

I am definitely a work in progress. Eli, I promise I’ll try to be better. And Jen, I hope Eli makes it up to you and Brennan the next time we see you. I’m sorry.

2. Eli’s emotions require a lot of patience. And so much is out of my control.

The phase that Eli is in is such an interesting one – he is learning at such a rapid pace, often surprising me with new words or concepts that he understands. He can be so sweet, creative, and smart.

But the exhausted, non-napping side of him is sometimes very draining to be around. He is so quick to say “NO!” or “STOP. STOP.” (He’ll hold his hand up, interrupting something I’m saying – not so respectful). And the screaming at Charlie, even if his little brother is 30 feet away from him, but turns toward him like he may crawl in Eli’s direction… that one tries me too. One sad thing that Eli does now is when I give him a kiss, he immediately wipes the kiss off (though I think he is just trying to be funny because he’s usually laughing when he wipes it off). When he’s tired, he changes his mind constantly and responds to my questions erratically.

On the more positive side, tonight totally on his own volition, Eli walked over to Charlie, lifted his brother’s hand up and said, “I’m going to give Charlie a kiss!” and kissed the top of his hand. It was the sweetest thing, especially since Eli never does stuff like that with Charlie.

AND the other happy thing – Eli ate edamame tonight with his dinner.

As Ben put it, “That was probably the healthiest thing he’s eaten in his entire life.”

It’s a big deal that he ate some vegetables! Hooray!! We hope he’s turning a corner with that. I hope his liking a few veggies trend means he'll turn the corner soon with being nicer to younger kids… and me too.